The Importance of Friendly Churches

Way back in March I pondered whether we gay Christians should join anti-gay churches. I feared, and continue to, that the growing schism between gay and Christian communities was would be disastrous; and hoped that our sub-subcommunity could instead bridge the gap, engage in conversation, and build our Christian churches into refuges and safe places once again.

Recently, the conversation has continued with Jim Johnson writing more about the need to converse and commune and be with other Christians regardless of their views or opinions on the gay community, rights, marriage, personhood, etc. Jerry Maneker, and others, disagree rather vehemently. The hurt that the fundamentalist corners have spewed runs deep and has caused a lot of harm – much of which can’t be healed overnight or with a nice conversation.

So what of the churches we join? Do we join a church in hopes of building bridges and engaging in conversation? Or do we distance ourselves from the risk of further pain and anger?

When I lived in Pasadena, I was a part of what I thought was a loving church community that would be unlike any other church experience around. I thought I was a part of a leadership group that believed in the wonder and mystery of God’s will and glory, that believed in a Down to Earth spirituality and Warts ‘n All community, where people were accepted at any stage of their spiritual journeys, in Team-oriented leadership and Creativity in Everything, and last but not least, Being Out in the Real World and truly valuing people of all walks and life experiences. All was dandy and emergent and edifying, until in a rough patch of life I decided hiding any part of my life was damaging to my soul and I had to come out of the closet. That’s when I was effectively disinvited from this picture of the emergent church.

I believe the conversation must continue; I believe my old church is not entirely antigay, just misunderstanding. I believe that every last one of us gay Christian folk have a story to tell and a story that must be heard by our straight brethren and churches. I believe the bridges must be built, and understanding and compassion and patience must be built up on all sides across many communities.

But I do not believe we need to be in the hostile churches to do that.

In fact, I think it could be dangerous. At the moment I needed them most, the leaders of my church abandoned me, and that hurt – a lot. Likewise across the country there are gay Christians who need the community of others who are willing to love them and accept them as the creatures Imago Deo (in the image of God) that they are. They do NOT need to feel like they need to mentally and emotionally guard themselves every Sunday morning.

I know it’s a tough thing to comprehend or accept – that there are churches and communities around the country that could be accepting. I’m not a fool, I recognize there are communities that do not have MCC’s or UCC’s. But lately we have seen an increasing number of major churches opening their hearts, including the Episcopalians, Presbyterian USA, UCC, MCC, and American Baptists (who even have been disinvited from their own denominations).

One must seriously consider what the meaning of church is. For The Beau and I it is about community, about spiritual guidance and understanding and edification. We need – and have – a church that accepts us as we are, as a couple, and as children of God. I believe that this is possible for the vast majority of people around this country. God has wide-reaching arms, and his churches represent this fact with their wide-ranging views and flavors. Maybe it will require being honest with the prospective church about your concerns and needs as a gay Christian. Maybe it will require being honest with yourself. But there is never a need nor requirement to be stuck in a church which risks hurting you spiritually, emotionally or mentally.

Bridges must and will be built and conversation must and will be had; but we mustn’t damage ourselves for that cause.

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 Filed under Daily-Life
09/06/06 12:32 AM
by The Blogger
  1. John says (Sep 7, 06:44 PM ):

    This is not something a faithful Catholic, even one who is gay, could really accept. The reasoning you use here is fine for those Christians from a Protestant backround, but isn’t one I as a believing Catholic can follow. I wrote more about this on my own blog last year:

    http://averagegayjoe.blogspot.com/2005/11/on-being-catholic-and-gay.html
  2. This Gay Christian Blogger says (Sep 7, 09:16 PM ):

    Thanks for sharing a different perspective. My background is entirely evangelical in nature, with only tangental connections to Catholic life. Please continue to share!
  3. John says (Sep 10, 02:10 PM ):

    Thank you and no problem. Being gay and also Catholic does make life ‘interesting’ at times… ;-)
 

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